What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 00:11
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why does a straight man like anal penetration?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I write beautiful poetry .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why is Trump so disliked worldwide?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As i do to all so called friends.?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was 9 years of age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Do you have any fantasies you are ashamed of?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Put me off passion for life!!
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I will be 64.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Midea is recalling its U-shaped air conditioners because of potential mold growth - The Verge
He knew the spot.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im still living with it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So whats the point in blame.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was very sick at this time too.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One cannot live in the past .
I have no regrets .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She wouldn,t have been !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So, i spoilt her more .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My family never makes their pension either.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Who then, do I blame.?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I think the readers, may guess!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
This is soul school!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I said to her
When she asked me how she looked .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were not on the streets..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
It was going to be , some day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
All the time i was locked up.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She found it foreign!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I waited trembling.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But, we were locked up after school.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She married twice! .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She loved him until the end.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i lived it daily.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I couldn’t, believe it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was in good health!
We all went to grammer schools
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I don,t even have a pension.
Would this be the day?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was scared of men, in general
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What did i know ?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it wasn’t much.
Comes on , in middle age.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!